I’m sitting here in the living room, it’s almost 2am. I haven’t gotten much in the way of great sleep. In fact, I’ve been sleeping too much. I’ve been waking up at 12 or 1pm in the afternoon, and because of the time change, I only get about 3 hours of daylight before the sun sets and I’m back in the darkness of night again.
I hate going to bed. I have weird dreams. The light stays on most nights because I get a little scared of the dark. Can you imagine a 38 year old still being afraid of the dark? I mean, I’ll turn off the lights if I have to. If I’m sleeping at someone elses place I will. But for the most part, I don’t. I leave the light on. Because I don’t want to wake up in total darkness. Sometimes this annoys my parents with whom I live with, but they eventually gave up.
So here I am, it’s 2am. The dog is sleeping on the couch, shedding fur and licking the pillows no doubt. The Christmas tree is up. For some reason, my parents keep the lights on with the tree, even when it’s the middle of the night. Haven’t quite figured that one out. My mom was never thrilled at walking into dark rooms anyway.
One day, I was sitting at home waiting for something. It’s actually right now. Waiting for the now. Waiting for the life that I already knew existed, was right there in front of me this whole time. Writing is my game now. Not drawing. Though, I still like to draw. And sometimes animate, but I don’t really want to do it as often as I’ve been doing. Sometimes, it’s just making me tired. I feel like I’m supposed to be doing it, but I can never get anywhere with it. That’s not because I’m lazy, nor is it because I don’t care. I’m just tired of all the work I’ve had to put into it and getting nothing out of it. It gets tiresome, you know? Drawing all the time, and expecting it to get me somewhere when it hasn’t. Sometimes, I look at my dog Finny. She’s just a lazy sod. She’ll sleep most of the day, show up to eat, get snacks…oh, man does she loves them snacks. She eats all the time, and she’s gotten fat. She’s a Chug as we like to call her (Chiuhahua Pug). It’s time for that damn dog to lose some weight!
When will it all be at an end? What will become of me right now? I don’t know. But there will be puppies involved. And snacks. And Christmas trees. And more food. And love. That’s all I can really ask for.
To be continued…